Week 3 Story: A Mountain Puppy
A puppy in the snow
Image Link
The mountains were home to a small, friendly puppy. The puppy had many dear friends in the mountains that he played with all the time. There was the strong rabbit who could pull the puppy out of any situation. There was a horse that could always calm the puppy down when he became too rambunctious. One day the puppy was walking through the trees trying to find something to play with since his friends were busy. He came across a tree that had one last leaf left at the very top. The puppy decided that he really needed that leaf and tried to climb the tree. He found that he could not get up the tree far enough to reach the leaf, but he kept trying. After one particularly ambitious leap the puppy fell harshly on the ground. He cried out in pain, hoping one of his friends would hear him and come help. At last the strong bunny and calm horse found the puppy but they could not do anything to help him. Then the horse remembered that the first snowfall of the winter season could heal any pain. The strong bunny volunteered to climb to the top of the mountain to find the wise alpaca that could bring the snow down from the sky. He moved quickly and found the alpaca, begging him to help his puppy friend. The alpaca said that he will help the bunny's friend if he first assisted him with some work. So for a few days the strong bunny helped the alpaca with his work while the calm horse stayed with the hurt puppy. Once the alpaca decided the bunny had done enough work he agreed to bring the snow. The bunny sprinted back to his friend in happiness. When he reached his two friends, the bunny told the puppy the great news. While the three friends shared stories about the past few days the snow began to drift down from the sky. With one touch of a snowflake to the puppy's fur, he was healed. The friends danced and pranced around in delight. During their celebrations that last leaf at the very top of the tree fell down right in front of the puppy. He snatched it up, held it tight, and took it back to his home, happy to be healed and with the leaf he wanted all along.
Authors Note:
This story is inspired by Bhagiratha and Ganga. The goddess Ganga was the only hope for 60,000 souls to make their way to the heavens. While in my story the snow only had to save one puppy, the snow was the only thing that could lead to a happy ending. I included a horse, since that was the reason why the 60,000 men died in the original story but I didn't make it the reason for my character to fall into trouble. I had the bunny helping the alpaca to symbolize the almost 100,000 years of austerities to the gods. Using snow, it kept with the theme of some kind of natural element saving the day.
Bhagiratha and Ganga, PDE Ramayana, Source
You had a very nice use of vocabulary! I thought it was perfect when you said to calm the pup when he became to rambunctious haha. You also had a great way of conveying the story and telling it because I felt so sad when the little pup fell out of the tree and was hurt. I was kind of surprised that he had to stay their hurt for a few days while the bunny was getting the alpaca. You made this story very much your own. I might add considering putting the author's note at the beginning so people have a little bit more insight before reading the story but this is up to you and not necessary. Just a suggestion!
ReplyDeleteThis is a good story, but I think if you made a few minor changes it could become a great story. A simple edit is to break the story into paragraphs. As is, the block of text makes it easy to lose your spot, and hard to find it if you do. Beyond that, I think adding some detail could really bring this story to life. How did the puppy hurt himself? A scraped knee carries a different emotional reaction than a broken bone. Also, what kind of work did the alpaca have for the bunny? What work can a bunny even help an alpaca with? By making these few edits, I think this story will really shine.
ReplyDeleteMariah, I’m guessing you are a dog person given that you seem to know how mischievous and sensitive our furry friends can be. I really like your ending where the puppy finally gets what he wanted. It truly expressed the lesson of “good things come to those who wait” but reinforced that when one doesn’t wait, there is going to be a little bit of catharsis involved.
ReplyDeleteHey Mariah!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, the picture you chose is so adorable and it definitely made me more curious to see what your story was about! I have not read the PDE version for the Ramayana, and so I was unfamiliar with how this story was told there. I would suggest elaborating a bit more on what the original story (particularly why Ganga had to save the 60,000) was about in your author's note, because I still was a little confused. However, I liked that you decided to make all of the characters animals, and that they each had a their own traits!
Hi Mariah! I really liked reading your story! I thought it was creative how changed the story up a little bit, and had the snow be the one thing that's able to save the puppy. I also really liked how you included the horse and the strong bunny as the puppy's friend, and basically guardian. Instead of having the horse be the reason that you're character falls into danger, you changed it to be the reason that your character stays calm during the pain of the fall as the bunny searches for help. Furthermore, I was wondering why the puppy is in the mountain? Was the puppy a lost puppy that accidentally found its way to the mountain? Moreover, one suggestion that I have would be to include a little back story to where the puppy comes from to add more pathos to the story. With that being said, I really enjoyed your story!
ReplyDelete